Recovery - grateful recovering addicts
Feb. 14th, 2009
12:53 pm - Recovery
So I find myself one day from 11 years...
I went to a meeting the other day because I'm trying to get back into everything, everyone I've ever known had the hardest time their 10th year... I am no exception.
This last year has been rough but I've never even considered picking up. The thought of using never even crossed my mind. I was more apt to just absorb myself into a video game than go outside or interact with people. I found myself sitting alone and reading my "Just for Today". I've moved a few times and finally settled in a new location where I don't know anyone but my boyfriend.
The recovery base is strong but the meeting the other night made me remember patience... the main speaker saying he didn't want to discuss his using but used up 30 min of his speaking time to discuss... his using. >.< ok, I waited... he wanted to give a message of recovery but I think it was drowned out by his ranting about how people are too "soft" in NA today. How it's not the "Work the steps or die, Mother fucker!" mentality that he remembered 12 years ago.
I think in retrospect on that meeting and the birthday meeting I will be attending involving the same people. My thought for the meeting is to just remind them why we're here. We're here because we couldn't find any other way to straighten out our life. All the attempts we had at making things better while using always turned on us and made us worse off than before the idea started. I know I came here because my life was unmanageable, I couldn't hardly think on my own and I remember laughing when my ex would tell my mom that they were "brain washing" me. You guys were making me into my own person, I would no longer be a slave to someone else with no appreciation and respect back. That is HUGE to me.
Today my life is beautiful, and even though times are tough and I don't have the same financial stability I had when I had 8 or 9 years... I am not worried. I've had plenty of times when I sat alone in a hotel room waiting for a sign that was gonna get me out of the situation I got myself into. Today, I pray and let my higher power work her magic and see what wonderful things can come of my life today. I do need to remember to do the next indicated step, I am responsible for doing the footwork that will lead to me being "happy, joyous, and free" and I'm taking each and every day for what it is. A gift.
Sorry this got longer than I expected, but I suppose in some ways... it's nice to remember that in recovery we have a choice. We always have a choice, and today my choice is to stay clean and see what will happen next.
Thank you for sharing my recovery with me.