I sponsor 9 women in Narcotics Anonymous, work full time, have a husband, go to a treatment center to take meetings to the clients and attend NA meetings in my hometown. Needless to say, I am completely overwhelmed sometimes. I have a tendency to caretake everyone else in my life and completely forget about me. My sponsor gets on me about this all the time. What is so crazy is that alot of times I don't know how to just stop and take a deep breath and take care of myself. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas that they use to just slow down and breath?
I am a greatful recovering addict named Jupiter. I just wanted to introduce myself.
By thre grace of my Goddess on the 7th of next month I will have 11months which is the longest amount of continous clean time I have been able to have in the last 27 years I had used.
What is different about this time is that I am going to meetings and working a program of recovery. What I wish to convey is that this does work.
Little by little each day, I am losing the compulsion to use, and replacing it with a desire to live, and have found a life worth living.
It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. The last 10 and a half months have been full of hell and suffering, but the hell and suffering I have been through inside of the meetings hasn't been near as painful as it would have been outside.
I have finally discovered why people say to get involved and do service work, and reach out to others as well as form relationships outside of the rooms because if I hadn't, when the shit hit the fan, I definitely would have relapsed several times had I not had formed the tight knit support group that I have.
I cannot stress enough how vital that has been for my recovery. What works for me however, may not work for others, but I'm going to venture a guess and say if you're struggling that it just might.
I have found hope in NA that I never had, or knew existed. I'm no longer a lost soul wandering the streets looking for my next fix, and to tell you the truth, I don't even miss the hustle of the lifestyle much anymore, or the chaos that went with it.
The serenity I have and am finding in each moment is something I will not give up so easily again. This is a fight; one worthwhile, because today I have things I never dreamt I could have in a million years-A beautiful life, a beautiful family, and a new home I am moving into this week.
I've gone from being homeless, losing everything and having an unmanageable life, and being chaotic to serene, and getting my own house, and I'm even starting to look for employment-I've been on Social Security for two years because I've been unemployable, and next year I am returning to school.
I came in not believing in anything or anyone. Not even myself.
You see, in recovery, when you work a program , you can get things back, and there is hope-So don't ever give up-And don't use-No matter what!
No one beside my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, and my sponsor knows but, after 13 years clean and 2 years slacking, I relapsed on Percosets. I went through a few days of hell, puking and sweeting, of my bones being ripped out through my back, but survived ok.
Now it is back to the beginning..........sort of
It feels good to come clean........(no pun intended)
Thursday I will tell everyone else
and Saturday my home group will know
3 days clean
Awhile back I went to the "doors to recovery" meeting in Rochester and I won a Limited Edition Basic Text in a raffle. It was someones anniversary and they had bought it for the group. In group conscience we decided to raffle it off and the proceeds would go to the area or whatever. Low and behold they drew my name from he hat and I won a brand new Basic Text.
I figured that since I won it I should at least read it and put it to its designed use. Having such a nice gift sit on a shelf in the office would be a crime, punishable by relapse. Its almost like God said, "Heres the payback for all the books you've given to newcomers over the years" kinda thing. I believe everything comes backa round at least once... everything.
I have been chipping away at the first ten chapters for about two weeks or so and I am now to the "stories" section of the book. The Sixth Edition, the one I have, is basically just the last edition with revised personal stories at the end of it. Its a better way for newcomers to identify with the program by reading something that is relativley recent and relevent to todays society. In the new edition they saved some excerpts from the previous stories and as I was reading them I had a flashback to early recovery.
When I was new, and I mean "new new" not "old new", I got this glimpse of me in my old apartment. I was dating/engaged to an addict who would not stop using, and we were living with my dad in Shelby Twp MI. I had an addict cousin who would come over and stay with us sometimes for the weekend and would then go back to KY, his homestate. The flashback was of my cousin and my dad in the living room watching a movie and my ex sleeping in bed with our T.V. on. It was night time and I wanted to read my original basic text, the fifth edition, you know the kind with everyother line highlighted and underlined. With nowhere to read being as my livingroom was in use, and my bedroom was dark, I went into my closet and turned the light on. Their I laid on my stomach somewhat and read "Fat Addict" , "Mid-pacific Serenity", etc. Here I am in this stupid closet, that probably still had drugs hidden away in it that I forgot about, reading NA literature. And I stayed clean. Today I read the Basic Text on my couch in my own living room. "And the loser now will be later to win, oh the times they are a changin'"
I've been a member of this community for some time now, am a recovering alcoholic, and will have six months next month! I think it's important to bring awareness to addiction issues, and while I'm not comfortable talking about my own issues on my main journal, I do write fiction. I have written several drug stories already, and it has actually helped me quite a bit in my own recovery.
I am working on a new one that deals with heroin addiction. I need to know what withdrawals are like and how bad they can get
before going to the hospital is the only safe option. (I know you technically probably should go, but my character isn't and I'd prefer him not to.) Everything I've found online is so generic, but I am looking for more specific things, personal experiences or whatever you can share.
I've known Brian for awhile. Then I got to know his girlfriend Krystal. Two great, fun, people. Both recovering addicts.
They got pregnant. Brian replapsed. He'd stay clean for bit and use again. Krystal gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a month or so ago. Brian continued to bounce in and out of the rooms.
Krystal finally had enough and said go to rehab or go. He went to detox and then to a 6 month treatment facility. He left treatment early a few days ago.
Today I got the call that everyone dreads. Brian is dead.
As it turns out, he called Krystal today and told her loves her and he's so sorry.
After he got off the phone with her, he slit his own throat.
I just want to scream at him how the fuck could just give up like that? What about your fucking son??
What about the woman who loves and who has stood by you?? Your friends? Your family?
Yet on the other hand, I all too well know the horrors of this disease. As you all do as well.....
The disease tells us to just give up. Some of us keep up the fight to keep the disease arrested. Others, like Brian, can't see past the despair.
Tonight, please say a prayer for my friends. Say a prayer, too, for the sick and suffering addicts out there. The one's who don't know they have choice and the one's who forget the have a choice.